how do you deal with death?

ilan

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hi forum

1 month ago i lost my big brother. it was in the eve of the holy day for jewish people (yom kippur).
he died 1 week before his 46's birthday. he left 4 children and a wife.
there were no sign for it. what i understood is that the cause for his death was a main artery in his heart burst.
he was my big brother but he was so young. there is only 2,5 years between us.
i am still shocked that i will never see him again. this is something that is very hard for me to deal with.
it is normal that parents die when the are old but to bury your own brother that was so young is very hard.
i am still heart broken and i try to keep me busy so the thought go away but when you are in your bed before you go to sleep the thought come again and you need to deal with it.

don't take it for granted that you weak up in the morning. focus as much as you can on your family. everything else is vanity.
life is unpredictable.
 

Sagenut

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My condolences @ilan .
I lost my mother when I was 21, now I am 48.
Nearly 10 years ago I lost my father.
In 2013 we lost our daughter 2 weeks before born.
Sadly I had to deal with such things too much and always too early.
There are no words to describe such feelings.
It's something that bite so hard from inside.
Don't be worried or ashamed to seek for psychological help.
And try to stick to your normal life and mostly keep you surrounded by good friends.
The real ones reveals themselves in such moments.
It's not possible to forget such happenings, we must find the best way to accept it and learn to live with it.
It's hard, and everyone of us need his time and to find the way.
Do not allow anyone to tell you that you are doing it in the right of wrong way.
Again my condolences.
Stay strong, cry when needed, but remember that life must goes on.
Take your time.
 

ilan

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really sad to hear what you have gone through.
my father took it very hard. he is 70 and losing his eldest son is very though. he is crying all day and see him crying is very heart braking for me.
you don't appreciate what you have until you stand over the grave in cemetery and understand that we all will get there one day.
 

andymc

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I'm s sorry to hear that ilan.

lost my sister to suicide in June 2020. She was 43 and had a 16 year old daughter.

The first few weeks felt empty and almost no emotion at all. Then I went through being angry at her, then trying to understand.
There were signs before, she had attempted to take her life before, but this time she managed it.

Now, after 4 years, I still think about her most days, but more in a wasted opportunity and the things we never spoke about.
I felt guilty and still do for not talking much to her in the last few years (she left her husband after cheating on him so I was angry with her).

Greif will never leave you, but it will make you work harder to think how to live better with the people you still have.
 

Daestrum

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When my wife died, I found people would refrain from mentioning her in my presence. This was really hurtful as it felt like they were trying to forget her, they probably meant well avoiding me getting upset. I found the best course was to talk about her, yes I got upset, but it was comforting to know so many cared.
My advice, talk about anything and everything you did together growing up, it reinforces all the good memorires and takes away some of the pain of the loss.
 

AnandGupta

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Death teaches us to be humble.
No matter how big or powerful you are, one day you will become ash/soil.

Sorry, for your loss.
Try to fulfill any wish he may have.
 

josejad

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I am sorry for your loss. A big hug to you and to all our fellow forum members who have suffered such traumatic losses.
 

JohnC

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Sorry to hear that about your big brother.

The only thing that can lessen the pain is time and there were many times I wish I had a Fast-Forward button.
 

rabbitBUSH

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I lost a great friend (like a brother) in 1998 we were a few days apart in birthday and same year of birth.

still he walks inside my head

go well Ilan - your brother will be with you forever whether you see him or not - he will help you settle your mind in time.....

 
D

DVRomano

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Sorry to hear of your loss ilan, the loss of someone that close to you, is always very hard to deal with! In November of 2009, I lost my 20 year old son to suicide, then on top of that, my daughter, who was unable to cope with the loss of her brother, committed suicide four months later, in March 2010. The loss, and the pain are always there, I think of them daily!
 
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