Lack of passion

Let me start off by saying that I am NOT looking for sympathy. Over the last year I have found that I no longer have the passion for writing code anymore. Now, that's not a good thing for someone that owns a software company with employees, but I have written less code in the last year than I have since I started in 1978. After my wife died last year I was alone again for the first time in 24 years, so it didn't surprise me that my creative side took a vacation.

That said... It hasn't come back. I really couldn't care less most days if I even look at a line of C, b4a, or whatever. What I'm looking for is any suggestions that might help to get back to being a proper leader in my company, and getting the fun and wonder back.

What do you do when you get into a rut and your eyes glaze over when you try to write an app or program? I have taken a leave of absence from my business and that didn't seem to help. I still love building custom cars, and have a nice shop to do that, but that does not help the software company. I'm actually thinking of selling it to my general manager and just getting out of computers and software.

Any suggestions?

--- Jem

Firstly I'm really sorry to hear of the passing of your wife.

I guess the question may be 'What do you want to do?' I'm mean really, even if it's pure fantasy or unlikely to happen.

Travel the world? Make a difference or philanthropic pursuits? I mean even if it's a silly or small thing, is there something that you'd like to do, something specific.

I guess you don't necessarily need to be involved in a day to day basis in actually writing code.

Whilst I'm not in the same position as you I have been considering giving after school code classes for the two older years at our local primary school for instance.

I read the 4 hour work week by Tim Ferris, this has some interesting concepts contained in it and it might be worth giving it a read. There is a website and a few recommended reads in there as well, some of these may help.

What about talking to close friends and family?

Hi Jem,

I`m sorry to hear this and I didn't know about your wife, so of course, I`m sorry about that too.

I think we all experience natural highs and lows as life presents different things to us. Your state of mind becomes a reflection of this. I wouldn`t worry about a lack of passion at all, just relax and if you can`t find something you enjoy, let it find you instead. Just continue, maybe try out things you haven`t done before, once in a while. One thing I do at times like this, is look back on my life and pick out things I did enjoy and decide if its worth trying them again.

I wouldn`t do anything rash, like selling your company. Maybe become a sleeping partner for a while longer?

One of my favourite sayings is "We never know what tomorrow may bring".

Take care and I hope you`ll stay around for chats and stuff

This is not new to me. It happens due to various reasons and sometimes it is because i hate a particular project, or sometimes it is due to incidents happening around me that mess up my concentration and cause me to get demotivated.
For me usually distraction works, I stop working until something very interesting catches my eye.
One year is not too much for a bad patch. Just work on something else like a book or go out.
Besides you are a man of so many talents, I am sure you will figure it out.

Jem, first I'm feeling with you as good as I can.

Regarding your lack of passion I think you must understand what you have lost of yourself with the dead of your beloved wife. Shurely loosing a loved one is among the hardest and deepest feelings on can experience. And this can lead to a feeling of senselessness, lack of passion and motivation and depression. However just trying to find something you really like may be good but will not release what is locking you.

Let me talk about your losses. On one side there is this unexplanable mystery of love, of beeing married for so long, sharing ones lives and beeing one. On the other side there is a rather materialistic and deterministic aspect. You will have to explore yourself. You need to see what is gone with your wife of all those secondary materialistic yet powerful aspects of such a long partnership.

Did you really code just for coding - or was it at least partially to make your and your wifes living, maybe feed and grow children, save money for a wellfared evening of life together. Or maybe the long awaited travelling around together when kids are ot of the house. Whatever.

All those dreams you and your wife probably have had in one or another way are gone together with her. And these dreams were not she, they were you. Now as sad as it may be this is where you have to go through and be getting conscious. You must understand what is irrevocably gone of yourself with her and find a new direction. You will not get back into motivation and passion as long as you do not have a new direction for your life. This is where you have to focus on primarily I think.

Hope to help a little and all the best
Nikolaus

As much as you will retain the memory of your wife; you must also remember the man YOU are.

Sometimes after a change a person molts, like a chicken or butterfly. The molt, often gives new wings, or a change in direction.

Passion is great while it lasts, but as you know, it cannot be forced. I too have a passion in cars, and develop engine management electronics as a hobby, and use b4a for user interface via BT. I stopped development to clean up a 20+ year mess of spare parts and cars. I am stuck, not sure I am going back. I just bought a Mazda with skyactive engine, it already does what I want. I have hopes of finding space back, to develop something new again too. I now have a similar problem, what to do next. I always had more ideas than time... My plan is to get out more, and travel. I may see things to get going again, if not I will enjoy the view, and meet interesting people.

I wish you the best, in a new beginning.

Lack of passion is something I experienced two years ago when my husband left me. I had no more wish to find new customers and only wanted to go to the gymnasium.
Cooking for my children, paying the bills and replying to the banker's phone calls were my daily activities. It took me six months before to touch the bottom.
What saved my life was to find a new idea by chance. After it came to my mind, I jumped the head first and worked about 17 hours per day till it was produced. And this idea was not related to software coding but DIY.

Unfortunately I do not speak English well, even with the help of Google Translate, therefore I will be brief and seemingly insensible.

I think that your business, programming, are your second passion: the first was your wife.

So I do not think that you've lost interest only for them, but for whatever.

You need psychological help, an antidepressant and you need to believe in the future.

Get help and find the strength that is within you.

Some sensible suggestions here, I really appreciate them. I've talked it over with the guys at work and they basically told me to get out for a while and forget about work of any kind. I think I'll just drive somewhere. I'll know where I'm going when I get there. Maybe the mountains or maybe the Apache reservation for a while.

From there, who knows, but I'll take it a day at a time as suggested.

Thanks,

--- Jem

I think that you will never actually lose the passion.

It's in you.

You get brilliant ideas and the really good thing about that is that it makes you figure out the tools that you need to make those ideas come to reality.

You can't lose that because it is a part of what you are.

an inventor, an innovator and

an inventor, did I say that?

I am often slow to think, but after a nights rest, I thought of something that may help. I have studied and worked with alternative healing. There is a simple laying of hands technique called chakra connection. It dates back to early cave paintings. It balances your energy centers, and connection to the universe. It could be 15 minutes of relaxation that changes your life.

Years ago a group registered nurses, reached and practiced healing techniques of shaman around the world. One common technique was the chakra work. The totem pole, is an example documentation of chakras.

I believe the trip to the reservation may help. Otherwise see if there are Healing or Therapeutic Touch practitioners in your area.

Another thought is healing music, Dean Everson comes to mind.

After several months of trying to decide where I wanted to be and how to get there, I made a decision a few weeks ago. Friday, the sale of my software company became final. I am a minor partner (10%) just as a retirement fund sort of thing. I am just not interested in the day to day business of running the company and coding on demand anymore.

Dealing with clients, finances, hustling new sales opportunities, and meeting the needs of employees no longer appeals to me. Don't worry, the chat server is not going anywhere though.

This gives me more time to learn new things. Things that I want to learn and on my time schedule. I decided that it's time for me to be a bit more selfish in the things I want, and the money doesn't hurt either. Phil has been with me for more than 14 years and has been running mlsoft for about a year on his own. It is not good to give clients the impression that there are internal tensions in a company, and I am not always there when someone calls, but he is. The bottom line is that this is what is best for the company, and all parties seem to be happy with the deal.

Now maybe I can finally learn more Java and do some of the projects I have put off for a couple years hehe.

--- Jem

That seems like a wise choice. It gives you freedom to explore and ponder new ideas, without the stress of the immediacy, of running a company.

Best wishes for what ever you do.

KitCarlson said:

Best wishes for what ever you do.

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+1

@HotShoe I hope that everything works out for you and that you become happier for your decision. Btw I was sorry to hear about your loss after 24 happy years.

Anyway happy learning and coding